This just in...

Well it happened two days ago, but they've done it again! Capitulated, imploded, self destructed... call it what you will, but the Black Caps have been thumped in the final against Australia!

It was once again 99.9% predictable, but somehow the .1% chance crept up on me and I allowed it in. What a fool I was!

It might have something to do with the fact NZ have 3 bowlers in the top 10 one day international rankings and no batters in the top 20... not a very balanced ledger that one!

Ahh well... until the next final appearance, which going by the last time it happened, will be 9 years away and I'll be an old fart ha!

Check out these funny pics

http://theflintskinny.blogspot.com/2009/09/drinking-and-yoga-are-long-lost-cousins.html

Funny correlations between drinking and yoga!

NZ Cricket - It's a drug that's no good for you...

The New Zealand cricket team, aka The Black Caps, have made it into the Champions Trophy final after beating Pakistan in the semi finals.

Firstly, a massive well done. Fantastic effort!

More to the point of this article, the reason why I say a "massive well done" is that the Blacks Caps are so unreliable that it's 99.9% reliable to expect them to beat the best team in the world followed by being beaten by the shittiest! Someone like Scotland for example...

So often in major tournaments they have made it to the semi finals against all odds only to lose and shit their panties. Usually involving bowling the other team out for a reasonable effort and then suffering their inevitable, renowned batting collapse! Losing 5 wickets for something pitiful like 20 runs is a regular occurrence.

Goodbye title hopes. Goodbye self respect. Goodbye marriage.

NZ cricket is so gut wrenching, so full of MASSIVE ups and downs that when doctors give advice to their patients who have high cholesterol, or a heart condition they say stay off the greasy Macca's, Kfc, Pizza Hut and watching the Black Caps. Seriously. I'm sure people have actually died supporting them!

One of the black caps better efforts in this department was when they played Australia in a semi final of a tournament and their best batter got something like 25 runs, next was another guy who got like 19 runs and the next best contributor to their score was 'extras'. For those who don't know 'extras' are awarded to the other team when the bowlers from the other team bowl wides, no balls... that sort of thing. Seriously the 3rd best contributor to the Black Caps score was the Australian Bowlers. The other 8 batters couldn't get in double figures! Now when it gets that bad Psychologists recommend to their patients suffering from depression to watch because it becomes so ridiculous that it's funny! I believe they call it dark humour?

Another effort which must be recognised is in another semi final effort against Pakistan when the black caps were all out for like 60 runs. It remains to this day the shittiest performance they have ever done. Lucky for us avid supporters, this majestic record breaking team saved their shittiest performance for the semi finals of a major tournament! Heart attack material!

So well done to the lads for finally putting on a decent showing in a semi final, especially against are achilles heel team, Pakistan, who until last night we'd played 6 times in a semi final of a major competition with one win to our side of the ledger! As for Australia, our finals opponents, I not sure if we've ever beaten them in a semi final/final scenario... a) because we keep losing to Pakistan in the semi's and b) our national team never usually makes finals, due largely to our infamous top order/middle order batting collapses! Bring on Australia and another note worthy batting collapse followed by a 300 run partnership from Daniel Vettori and Chris Martin!

Come on boys you can do it!!

The main difference between the brains of monkeys to that of humans is the quantity, not quality… How far away are YOU from having smelly fingers?

I’m getting a tad sentimental which, I admit is completely uncalled for, but it’s my blog so I’ll write what I damn well like. Got it?! Good. Let’s begin…

I thought I’d begin by quoting some idiot who wrote some rubbish about something he/she probably knows nothing about, but however little it is, it’s still probably more than I know about the subject…

G. K. Chesterton
”The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.”

Told you it was utter rubbish…

Anyway, the point I’m now going to make is that I’ve always had this uncanny ability to disconnect myself from anything remotely to do with 'the ”airy-fairy” side of life. This has served me well in 99.9% of life, kind of like the pill really… not that I’ve ever taken the pill but I hear the percentage of success is relatively similar if not the exact same. That’s neither here nor there however. What I’m trying to say, with very moderate success, is that by never really caring too much about things I can let go of failure or loss quicker than the average Joe getting his next meal from the local dumpster outside a KFC, or just a regular person with a job and who doesn’t eat out of a dumpster at all…

When you’re used to this succuss rate, which you consider to be 100% until that time when you wake up in the morning and spew your guts out all over the bed sheets, which is your body telling you you’re now pregnant, it’s always a surprise when your confronted with the fact that your fail-proof 100% money back guarantee system, did in fact fail you!

How’s that for a mouth full? I could diverge ONE MORE step and tell a joke relating to having your mouth full quoting a Little Johnny joke, but again, that’s neither here nor there…

All I’ll say now is I think I’ve reached the point where I’m now figuratively speaking spewing my guts out on my sheets…  
In more clearer words, I’ve reached the 0.1%.

Interesting…

Anyway I think I want some KFC for dinner. Better go and check if Joe’s had any success tonight…

Disclaimer: This is not Joe in the picture…

Update on monkeys with smelly fingers

Well girls (Since that's all who follow this somewhat confused blog about its' purpose in life), I thought it was time to update my blog with some insightful comments while listening to "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straights.

I'm back in Christchurch, New Zealand "studying" at University. After all those compelling arguments I made convincing myself I didn't need a degree I thought what with the world going arse up I may as well get one as I'd probably lose my job anyway! :)

I've just returned from a tour around the South Island of New Zealand in a campervan with my misses and had an excellent time. She really is a top lass and I'll once again miss her now that's back in Aus. Anyway, after this trip I can safely say NZ poo's all over Australia scenery-wise!! NZ is a beautiful country and now that I've returned with a fresh pair of eyes I can look at it for what it is, not just something that grows in my back yard. I even got the haggis bashers out during the trip and made $105 (after entry fee's) in a competition which went towards food and accom for the trip!

I'm pretty happy in life and amazingly I'm actually a good student too! I've never been a good student in my academic endevours but now that I know what I'm missing out on (which is an easy life with plenty of cash) I seem to be giving study this time a decent effort. "Good shit" I hear you two say, if you even read this any more... :)

Anyway, better go. I've got a tune to write out and put some harmonies too that I wrote on the drive back in the campervan. It better be a good one this time... hopefully not too unremarkable!! Damn ugly babies haha

Until sometime in the unknown future, Au revoir.

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