you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
you go to your family reunions looking for a date.
you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.
your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.
your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
you ask the preacher, “How’s it hanging?"
you played the banjo in your high school band.
you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
there’s graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.
you have a personal account of a UFO sighting.
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